Reflections on Day 181 of genocide

Hello Friends and Family,

On Thursdays I am fasting and using the money from lunch and the time gained to reflect and write to you, donate to UNRWA (still defunded by the US) and pray with Sabeel’s wave of prayer. You can read last weeks reflection here: Reflections on Day 174 of Genocide. Below is this week’s reflection:

I woke up late. Getting out of bed at the time I was supposed to arrive at school does not set one up well for a day of fasting. In some ways, since the pandemic I have been living with constant cognitive dissonance, but it was acute today. What follows is an attempt to capture that dissonance, make it public and reflect. If I was grading myself, I would note the ample evidence, but lack of analysis…

Scrambling to the car, I forgot to eat breakfast. I did not want to listen to the coverage of NPR. The spokespeople for American backed genocide, I tapped spotify:

“This is democracy now, DemocracyNow.org, the war and peace report. I’m Amy Goodman”

I am not paying very close attention. Still frustrated from yesterday’s class at an elite university where I was told that teachers burn out because they “don’t love themselves enough” by a guest speaker who started a charter school in Oakland. Last week, a SFUSD teachers’ check was missing $10k of back pay. One of the teachers of the class is the school board president who signed off on Empower, the hundred million dollar payroll system that screws up teacher paychecks every month.

Wednesdays are 11 hour days for me. I woke up, taught a lesson on the situation in Gaza to my students, ate at the 4th period luncheon, drove to stanford, biked to the education building, was told to love myself more, was told to reflect on my journey applying to jobs, then drove home. I worry my lesson on Gaza is not up to date. +972 just released a report on how the IDF uses AI called “Where’s Daddy?” to track targets to their home to bomb “and carry out bombings when they had entered their family’s residences” (+972 Mag) My thoughts are cut through by today’s news:

Amy Goodman: “…and we have this latest news… new details… the convoy was driving along the approved route, the war room of the unit responsible for security of the route ordered the drone operators to attack one of the cars with a missile.

Some of the passengers were seen leaving the car after it was hit and switching to one of the other two cars. They continued to drive and even notified the people responsible that they were attacked, but, seconds later, another missile hit their car.

The third car in the convoy approached, and the passengers began to transfer to it the wounded who had survived the second strike – in order to get them out of danger. But then a third missile struck them. All seven World Central Kitchen volunteers were killed in the strike.” (Haaretz) (DemocracyNow!)

National Security Council spokesperson John Kirby: “Well, the Israelis have already admitted that this was a mistake that they made… They’ll get to the bottom of this… The State Department has a process in place. And to date, as you and I are speaking, they have not found any incidents where the Israelis have violated international humanitarian law.” (DemocracyNow!)

I arrive at school, late. Today is luncheon day. The seniors in the Culinary Geography class made a delicious salad, pasta and dessert and served it to a gathering of around 20 teachers. The proceeds fund the culinary class and some of the kids were especially excited to eat the parmesan cheese. The teachers thanked the kids with a roar of applause. I get in my car to drive to Stanford. I tap Spotify to listen to the news.

Nermeen Shaikh: “Never before Gaza have today’s humanitarian professionals seen such a high proportion of the population descend so rapidly towards [famine]… this as residents in the north, northern Gaza, are reportedly eating grass and drinking polluted water. UNRWA, the U.N. agency for Palestinian refugees, said today a food convoy expected to move into northern Gaza was targeted by Israeli forces.” (DemocracyNow!)

I can’t take it anymore. I turn off the news. Time for class.